Reflections on life — by travelling (and hitchhiked) alone
I decided to take a week off from my current job as a research assistant, to travel alone around my homeland Taiwan. I was burnt out from work. I found no satisfaction or any sense of achievement or joy in my current job. I felt useless. I had been applying for PhDs at around the same time too. The results of my applications are out; it seems that I might have to do something similar to what I have been doing for another three years. Ah, so fed up with it. Fuck it. Fuck everything. I was depressed and I even started taking antidepressants for the first time in my life.
I decided that I need to leave this place. I took a week’s break. I hoped to see some change. I planned nothing for the trip. I decided to just go with what comes up on the way and see what I will find.
Now that I am back from the trip, the situation did not change as much as I expected. Yet, life goes on. Anyway, here I am jotting down a few thoughts that came to my mind as I was travelling. I don’t even know if they are worth sharing. So if you are reading it, thanks for your time and attention. Let me know what you think about what I found — anything would be interesting and helpful.
Have an aim for life — or it’s just going to be a series of detours
As said, I did not plan much for the trip. I went to quite a few places for very vague reasons. I went to some towns and villages just because their names sound interesting or familiar (I went to a town called Kano in Taidong just because the name of the town coincides with one of my teachers’). I never thought about what I would find or do at those places beforehand. And this made me pretty lost when I arrived somewhere. Sometimes I would be in the middle of nowhere.
This reminded me of how I have been approaching my life or career. As a science student, I have been spending three months over every summer vacation doing internships in some labs. When choosing labs, very often I was chasing the “big names”. That institute is famous, I will go there. Furthermore, I have been pretty much applying to labs that overlap very well with my past experiences, as then it would be the easiest way I can get into those institutes.
But I never really seriously thought about if that is really what I wanted to do. I just went to places for the sake of being there. I thought I was doing well with my academic career, populating my CV with big names. But actually, I was only moving aimlessly.
I needed a clearer aim for what I wanted to achieve in life. Prestige is short-lived, and might not be worth pursuing. I need a goal, or my life is just going to be a series of detours.
If you know clearly what you want — most times people are willing to help
Most parts of my journey were on the east coast of Taiwan, where there was only limited public transport service. So when there was no bus or train — I hitchhiked. I had nine hitchhike rides in five days. I was in a car with a middle-aged family on their trip, on a truck with a native Taiwanese construction worker, and on another ride with a chicken dealer.
I never hitchhiked on my own before, so along the trip, I developed my strategy for getting a ride. I noticed that going to car parks and talking to people who are leaving is the easiest way to get people to agree to bring me somewhere, or waiting by the red light and knocking on their car windows work too (if you do it in the dark, some might freak out. This happened.) The one you see on TV, sticking a thumb out by the road and waiting for a car to stop, usually doesn’t work. Why is this the case? Some who I hitchhiked with told me that because often, in that case, the driver doesn’t know where the hitchhiker wants to go. This makes it difficult for the driver to commit, to stop the car for the person. They suggested that I could have brought cardboard with me, to write down where I want to go, which can be seen clearly from far away.
Another thing I noticed in myself, is that when I was looking for a car to hike on, I was quite anxious and nervous. I felt awkward. I felt even shameful about my action. I felt my confidence level lowered with every car passing by. However, I always found someone willing to bring me along in the end. What I learnt from this, is that if I know clearly where I am going, and if I also let others know where I want to be, most of the time, there will be someone willing to help.
Life is finite — do as much as you can
By talking to people, looking at myself and other elder beings, watching the tides and water flowing down the gorge and reflecting on my life and relationship during the trip, I was reminded that life is finite, time is finite and everything would come to an end, one day. And there is no second life. So I shall do as much as I can, with my life.
It’s time to take some action, isn’t it?